I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
