Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
