feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
