Already got asked if we're dating
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
