im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
