girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
