Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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