giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Randomize
