I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
