What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
