a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Every concussion has its silver lining
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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