Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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