I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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