one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
