I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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