You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
