if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
