Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
