Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
