I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
