dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
