I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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