Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
