If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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