If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
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This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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