they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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