He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
