i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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