The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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