I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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