your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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