This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
