i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
