Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
