I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
