Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
