i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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