i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
