thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
