dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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