Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
