she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Randomize
