Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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