I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
