You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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