Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
