So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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