peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
