i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
