He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
