Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
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When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
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We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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