Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
