the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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