I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
