Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
