Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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