so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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