I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
