The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
