google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
