You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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