dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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