Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
