forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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