i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
