My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Is it penis luge time yet?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
