In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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